On my flight to Goa.

A literal blank state of mind. Two seats empty beside me, a perfect situation to relax and type in a few words.

Let me excavate some thoughts from deep within.

2019, the yoga school that appeared as a serendipity, was my first centre of training. Not a single person to cheer me on the journey excluding my family. Me, absolutely unsure about where I am treaded after that. Would I really have students to teach? Would anyone have faith in me? Was this yet another failed attempt to pursue what I loved? Graphics, pottery, handicrafts, exhibitions everything failed by that time. (Or as I believe now, the time wasn’t right back then).

29, and a person who couldn’t make anyone believe that having a passion and pursuing it, can really be successful. And as a normal tendency of the surrounding people, marriage was the only option left to see me happy and successful. I had pressures from every side and growing worries of my parents. Relatives thought I was wasting my life running after my passion. Should have done my Msc atleast. Should have tried for bank exams atleast. And many more suggestions. Because apparently a marriage too wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t earning. That was the primary criteria for marriage of every guy present on matrimony sites.

I had literally bought a book for preparing for bank exams. But did I study it? Not one page! I will say you in a short while how it helped me though. 😃

All cousins had a stable job by then, sharing their packages with each other. Even the younger ones. I once asked my brother what does a package mean? Lol!

And, I was eating, sleeping, laying down on a bed and scrolling feeds, noting down few ideas that sometimes struck me about my handicrafts. Even, getting the ideas diminished over time. I guess it happens, after you fail quite a few times. The algorithm on my Instagram changed eventually. It began showing things other than art. Celebs, gossips, but nothing about my friends. Because I had none then.

One day, yoga came up on my insta. And since it was a challenge poster stating lucky 5 winners will get an outfit from such and such sponsors, I thought of giving the poses a try. And to my surprise I could do few of the postures. No, I didn’t win anything! But I was happy. Atleast I could do something!

There on, the journey started. I kept trying out various poses and kept practicing. Without any concern about career whatsoever. With the only hope of winning an outfit one day. Yoga grew on me.

To my surprise, as I posted few pics on my social media, I gained likes. Likes from friends on Facebook.

I was still not earning. But one thing happened. I guess my pics became quite attractive to guys and suddenly few of them wanted to date me. Lol!

I thought maybe this is how I will get married. 😃 My life is finally going on the right track. 😃

Yes I did date one of them. (Me, still not earning!) Apparently, I was quite interesting to them. My journey worth writing a book, they said.

Let’s face the hard fact though. Reality as it strikes. When it comes to marriage they ghost you. Quite expected! (Reason: no income)

I returned from the training. Two months of sitting idle after that. After which I thought let’s try teaching in a studio. No replies came in, except one.

Went in to speak to the owner, calculating in my mind, the rate I should charge per person in a class. I thought 100/- must be a good option. Can settle for 80/- too.

Returned with the job, however rates slashed to the ground. Forget per person. Per class 100/-. And there could be 4 to 6 people per batch.

I had to agree on it, because I had no option. I wanted to teach, gain experience and to earn a bit. I had calculated 3 classes a day equals 300/- per day, 6 days a week. Comes to 7200/- a month. But oh, there is no guarantee that there would be 3 classes everyday!

Batches: 7-8am, 10-11am, 5-6pm, etc etc. So if I am supposed to take morning batch as well as evening batches in a day, where do I stay in between? Because home was 2hrs(by bus) away from studio. Ofcourse couldn’t afford an Uber.

Few days were spent in South city. Few days in the studio. Managed lunch from a pice hotel nearby. 25/- per meal. And few days at a friends place.

On an average, income turned out to be 7k. On festive months, 4k. Because classes were getting cancelled.

Though I don’t know where I gained the courage from. From my first month of earning itself, I opened an RD 3000/- and a PPF 2000/-. With the only thought that if I ever get married anyday, I should have enough money to support my partner even if he isn’t earning.

Marriage cannot be about money! And I never earned for fulfilling my own desires.

2023. Today. Though I do spend some money for fulfilling my travel desires and other titbits and for rents and fees and daily commute, I can totally say, I can afford another human being’s livelihood.

The priority changed a bit. I would rather spend it on bringing up a little child. I am more willing to do that. Than on men who doesn’t have their minds in the right place.

With time, I realised emotions, feelings and sensibilities are all getting sold out with money.

Anyways, today I am on board. Purple valley with Laruga. Whose voice has been the only source of my practice for over 5years.

Yoga is still my very own practice. Not doing it for money. Not attending her classes to up my game on the CV front. Not even for free outfit now! Just here to experience and learn. And as long as people have faith in me and my classes, I am good to go. I have an abundance of a lot of things. And everything else, pottery, crafts etc will slowly fall into place. I know now!

The bank book worked as a yoga block sometimes during the initial days of practice. 🙂